Unnecessary double letters, made up sounds, apostrophes for no reason whatsoever, and strange combinations of letters with unpronounceable results; there are a lot of areas of the country that have some trends of really bizarre first names, my state ranks right up there at the top of those bizarre-o lists. For your entertainment, here is a list of legal, given first names that I have come across in the last few weeks. Of course, with my
snarky comments thoughts.
Ab-si-dee. I’ve actually seen this one before. Because the ultimate in “creative naming” for your little darling is to just pick the initial sequence of letters in one of the most common alphabets on the planet.
Autumn is a perfectly lovely first name, why ruin it?
I believe this is “Brooke”…but spelled wrong.
Rhymes with Deanna?
What is this? Sierra? Sara? Cara? Kee-era?
All I see is a toilet paper advertisement
Cinderella’s evil stepsister? The name right under this one had the same birthday and same last name from a very small geographic area, so, presumably, Druellie’s twin….his name is Steve. (?!?!?)
This just sounds made up.
WHO SPELLS “FIONA” WITH TWO F’S?!?
Ok, fine, weird, but fine.
Caddy? Katie? Kate-Tee?
Isn’t this the name of some kind of young boy sculpture from Ancient Greece?
No. Just, no.
I mean, at least her FIRST name isn’t “Unicorn.” (For privacy purposes it’s also not “Melissa” but is something equally normal and common.)
I believe the word you’re looking for is “Saphire.” And please don’t name your baby that.
The only male name on this list, is this Simon? Or See-a-mon? Let’s hope the former.
“I like the name Alysa, but it’s just so boring!” “I know! Let’s add a T in front of it!”
Like, rhymes with Pangea?
Does she also have siblings named Sunday and Friday?
Maybe Ulysses S. Grant was her great-great-great grandfather? Yeah, probably not.
Also, can we chat for a minute about why all of these names are for women? I mean, there is that cruel Siamon/Simon/Semen male option, but the other 26 names on this list are for women. What kind of strange patriarchal bullcrap leads parents to give their sons normal names but give their daughters something…bizarre. Is there some kind of subliminal assumption that Little Johnny or Little Ricky or Little Billy could grow up into Mr. President, where Little Charmonie or Little Fabrynne or Little Saphyrie will simply be Mr. President’s trophy wife?
Hrmph. I’m irritated twice over now.
I wonder if Malcolm Gladwell or those Freakanomics guys have done some kind of in-depth analysis of this.
Disclaimer: In looking at these lists I tried really hard not to mock any names that could possibly be a legit ethnic name, and if there is one on this list I certainly did not intend to mock a cultural norm. But, for the record, Brooque, Essence, Ffyona, and Steffanice are not cultural, they are just weird and/or misspelled. The parents responsible for such labels should probably have their heads examined…and have their children’s birth certificates spellchecked prior to leaving the hospital.