Over the last six months (ok, really, over the last three-and-a-half years), Mr. Blue Eyes and I have been fighting with his ex-wife on some pretty outrageous things: Blue Eyes wants to be able to spend time with his kids on a regular basis, and talk to them on the phone on a regular basis. Crazy, right? At any rate, we are finally to what I hope is the final stage of this latest battle, and I don’t want to jinx it, but it might actually look like we are not going to have to go to court. Maybe. I mean, who knows, when you are dealing with CrAzY you can never really be sure, even after a judge stamps his approval and the thing is in effect “law.” CrAzY don’t care about “law,” she cares about what is most beneficial to HER at this particular moment in time. (Note: Not most beneficial to the kids in question, that would be reasonable and show some demonstrated good feeling and caring towards them; no, she wants what is most beneficial for herself or as a second-best option, what is the worst possible outcome for Blue Eyes. A real gem, this one.)
At any rate, I have tried a number of mostly unsuccessful ways to deal with my frustration at this whole situation, my anger, and to try and process my emotions. Honestly, most of them are generally ineffectual, though I’d like a sticker for trying. But today, after the latest bizarre demand, I found something that simultaneously validated my anger and frustrations, helped to control and minimize the over-the-top negative feelings I was having, and soothed my heart and my nerves.
I wrote everything on a post-it. Not a series of post-its, just one post-it.
I wrote over words again and again, filling every corner of this little piece of sticky paper with rants and scribbles and possibly a few swears and curses thrown in her general direction. As I both let out my anger and also saw it being compressed into a neat little square, I started to feel immeasurably better. Her behavior is absolutely not okay, and mostly illegal (don’t get me started on The System and how it was built and is perpetuated to generally fuck with fathers and overcompensate mothers who are willing to lie and cheat for personal gain), but as I saw all this swirling, heavy, dark stuff turn into abstract curls and lines of pale blue ink….it started to not seem quite so terrible. It’s terrible, don’t mistake me, but it’s only one little blue swirl of terrible that is confined to a three inch square. And that is something that I can deal with. I don’t like it, but I can deal with it.
I’ve “scribbled out” frustration, just not on a post it. It helps 🙂
I’ve often written to release frustrations, for sure. But when I finish and see 17 pages of frustrations I sometimes feel hopeless that it will ever be resolved. But on one post-it? Man, that problem is only 3-inches squared! Easy-peasy! 🙂
I’m soooo sorry you dealing with more crazy! That just plain sucks. Good for you for finding a way to feel even a little bit better about it. Hang in there, girly. Xoxo
Whether it’s talking to the person, writing letters and sending them, writing in a journal, blogging or putting it all on a post-it note, sometimes putting it out there in the Universe really does help.
I agree….and I am constantly baffled how many times I forget this very simple idea.
On Thu, Mar 26, 2015 at 3:38 PM, Feisty Harriet wrote:
This is my favorite blog from you in recent times.
Well thank you, Sir.
On Thu, Mar 26, 2015 at 8:38 PM, Feisty Harriet wrote:
That is an excellent idea for venting. You got this.
And seriously hope this ish resolves itself soon, that ex sounds like a nut job.
She is a true piece of work. Lawsy.
On Fri, Mar 27, 2015 at 12:19 PM, Feisty Harriet wrote:
I am so sorry you have to deal with this… but you’re dealing with it in a creative manner. You should frame this post-it! 🙂
Haha! I hadn’t even thought about that, it is tucked away in the pages of a journal for safe-keeping, perhaps I’ll start a collection….I see avant garde art exhibits in my future! 🙂
On Fri, Mar 27, 2015 at 9:26 PM, Feisty Harriet wrote:
I’m glad to see you burn off your expressive energy here and on that cute little note. Remember when we got to color all over my wallpapered room? And the giant blob of frustration venting? Golden. Perhaps you start one of those for Mr. Blue Eyes.
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