I work in higher education and it always seems that Back to School season is an appropriate time to re-evaluate and reassess my first-of-the-year goals. In January I decided to live deliberately, with passion and grace this year. I feel like this is a two-steps-forward, one-step-back process, and it probably should be that way, right? I certainly am not one of those (fictional) individuals who is born with and maintains perfect grace in the face of Life. But, I feel like I am slowly coming to a place of acceptance of the things I cannot change or dictate, while living the hell out of the pieces of my life I do have control over. Sometimes with grace, sometimes with lots of swear words and chocolate. Overall, I think that my ratios are in a pretty good place.
In the first six months, everything changed.
So far this year I have made the unanticipated and enormous decision to leave my job (my wonderful, wonderful job), leave my apartment, postpone a Master’s degree, and move 700 miles away to join my sweetheart. This decision has colored every aspect of my life, sometimes with giddiness, sometimes with fear, and often times with a melancholy sadness. I am simultaneously trying to get the most out of my remaining time here in Salt Lake, to maximize time with my dear friends, to memorize the smells and sounds of my beloved mountains, to go on adventures and cross things off my Utah to-do/to-visit/to-explore list. And then there are days when I refuse to answer the message notifications on my phone, when I refuse to even leave my house, and yes–a few times–when I just do not get out of bed because the idea of so much change is overwhelmingly nauseating and it seems the best plan of action is to ignore everything and everyone until I can breathe again.
Change is a bitch, yo. And so far 2015 has been full of it.
In the next six months, everything will change again.
I will finish up my work responsibilities mid-December and be completely moved to Arizona before we (Blue Eyes and his kiddos) make the long trek to Montana for Christmas. Because the least stressful time to move is right before a giant holiday spent 1,000 from the home now being threatened by towers of unpacked boxes. Obviously. I’ll need to figure out a new job situation and readjust to living with my sweetheart after years of being apart. I’ll need to figure out how, exactly, my role as step-mom will fit into the lives of two busy kiddos (ages 10 and almost 13) (!!!!). I’ll need to figure out the layout of my new grocery store, and understand the complexities of a much larger freeway system. I’ll need to navigate new relationships and finding friends and a new tribe of My People. I’ll need to….
This is the part where my brain gets pretty overloaded with anxiety and I start to shut down. I am overwhelmed and scared and the “What if’s” start to pile up around me. I can already predict that my biggest priority for next year will be to remember to breathe. To take each day on its own terms, and to find something positive in each day.
How are you doing on your 2015 resolutions? Have you made any major unplanned overhauls in your life? Do you have any tips for getting through some major life upheaval while maintaining your sanity?