One week as a full-time Bonus Mom

I spent all of last week as the day-time caretaker of my two bonus kids, ages 10 and 12, while Mr. Blue Eyes wrapped up some work projects. I have never really spent a ton of time with them, and never by myself for more than a few hours. Honestly, I was worried about it. I want them to have fun and think I’m fun and I want them to like me and I want to make sure I don’t do/say anything that would be negatively reported back to their mother, giving her yet another reason to despise me.

It went better than I expected, we went swimming almost every day, played a lot of Monopoly and other strategy games, we went bowling, went to one of the trampoline air-gym places, more swimming, made fancy cupcakes, watched a little TV, went out for frozen yogurt, made waffles, etc etc etc. I didn’t lose my temper, I didn’t yell, and I somehow managed to keep my cool during the endless bickering of two tweenagers. (So! Much! Bickering!)

Other items of note:

  • The end of swim season was during the time we had the kiddos. I woke up early to take them to practice in the mornings so they’d be ready for their final swim meets. The kids’ Mom did not show up at the state qualifying swim meet OR at the championship meet…instead, she–the Mom–decided to throw herself a birthday party.
  • You read that right. She threw a “family” birthday party for herself instead of going to the state championship swim meet to support her daughter. For the record, her child took 5th, 6th, and 12th in her events out of hundreds of participants.
  • I found out that my phone number is blocked on the kids’ iPhones. This means that someone (ahem) has gone in to their phones and added my number to some kind of blocked/dangerous list so I cannot text or call them at all. Any guesses on who that might be?
  • This weekend the Crazy Mom sent a text message *to the kids’ phones* to “let them know” that she and her husband and their two little girls had spontaneously decided to just go to Disneyland for a week. “Surprise! So fun! We love Disneyland!!” Moo, who is 10, was crushed. She told me she has been begging to go to Disneyland for 2 years and it’s not fair that her Mom decided to go while they are spending a couple of weeks with us. She went on to tell me how much she hates her stepdad because he doesn’t care about her.
  • Camo, the 12-year-old, told me how he hates his Mom, how she doesn’t even like him and isn’t nice to him and he can’t wait to move out. This was a calm and rational conversation, he wasn’t upset about anything else, he just offered this as a statement of fact somewhere in-between his preference for Jimmy Johns for lunch and how he found a new strategy to beat us all at Monopoly. He’s only 12!!

I cannot believe the behavior of this woman, I knew she had no qualms about putting her children in the line of fire if it meant she could also hurt Mr. Blue Eyes or me. But this is beyond that. She is actively hurting her children out of…I don’t know, spite? Is she punishing them somehow (“neener neener, we’re at Disneyland and we didn’t want to bring you!”) because they are spending time with their Dad!? What the fuck is wrong with her!? No, but seriously. What. The. Fuck!?

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0 thoughts on “One week as a full-time Bonus Mom

  1. Erin Masi

    A few things-one. I’m SO glad it went better than expected!!!!! It sounds like you guys did so many fun things! two. WTF. Seriously. They only take 2 of their kids to Disneyland?!?!?!? That is so terrible and just really sad. Those poor children growing up with parents like that. That just hurts my heart.

  2. Lacey Bean

    How? How can a mother do things like that to her children? That’s so horribly offensive, and one day this woman is going to wake up, realize she used her kids as pawns in her previous marriage and probably never be able to repair the damage that she’s done. Ridiculous. I’m so glad to hear your week with them went well.

    1. Feisty Harriet Post author

      I am still pretty baffled by the whole thing. The not supporting her daughter in her activities, the Disneyland thing…it just seems so incredibly selfish. And horrible. That woman is a horrible human.


      On Mon, Jul 27, 2015 at 1:21 PM, Feisty Harriet wrote:


  3. Nic

    What the fuck? Is this woman just evil? She sounds super selfish. I bet she is punchable.

    Seriously. I cannot even.

  4. Sherry

    You know, I get the idea of, “The big kids are going to be having a lot of fun with the other set of parents, and we want to do something fun with the other kids.” But DISNEYLAND?????? That is just cruel, and it places the big kids in the position of having to choose between spending time with their dad and bonus mom or getting rewarded by staying with mom and step-dad. Not a fair choice at all.

    My ex-sis-in-law told her son (age 6) that he wasn’t allowed to hold his new baby sister when he went to visit his dad (my brother). Ergh. (Not sure if that made sense. Brother and his girlfriend had a new baby in June. Ex-wife says son cannot hold new baby.) This order was defied, but my nephew was very scared and nervous to hold his baby sister.

    1. Feisty Harriet Post author

      I totally understand the little kid/big kid thing, but I’m with you, why does it have to be Disneyland? Why can’t it be a water park? Or a fun camping trip? Or something that the big kids would not be SOBBING over because they didn’t get to participate? (Also, the little kids are 18 months and 2.5 years old….in my opinion, a week at Disneyland is still a little more than they would actually appreciate, but it certainly is something that the 10 and 12-year-old will resent.)

      I do not understand how some people–often times women–are so dead set on hurting their children because it somehow will also hurt their x-husband. STOP! Just stop it. Right now. Get your selfish self into therapy and figure out how to deal with your new life circumstances without hurting kids, okay!? Ugh, this makes me so ragey.


      On Tue, Jul 28, 2015 at 8:55 AM, Feisty Harriet wrote:


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  6. Tami Librandi Alvord

    Hold on, the kids she took to Disneyland are not even 3?!?! WTF. That is a major dick move! Those kids are realizing what an asshole they have for a mom and they’re gonna give her hell for it. Glad to know they have a cool stepmom to lean on.

  7. Dee

    She’s a monster. And those kids (and my V) are all crazy lucky to have you. And Mr. Blue Eyes is luckiest of all – I hope he realizes that.

    Love you!

  8. alice

    Wow. WOW. WOOOWWWWWW. That is so sad and shameful and… sad. Those poor kids. I’m glad they have their dad and a bonus mom in you to even the playing field, because…. yikes.


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