Harriet: Age 34

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Boone Hall Butterfly Pavilion, South Carolina

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy BIRTHday toooooo meeeeeEEeeeeeee!!! (deep breath!) HaaAaappyyyy BiiiirrrrtthhhDaaaaayyy TooooOoooOooOOoooo MeeEeeeeEeeEee!

Today I am thirty-four, and that means I’ve officially entered my “mid thirties”…which I think is supposed to somehow kick-start a biological clock, or at least give me some age-related anxiety? It’s not. It’s just another birthday and I have to spend the next 4 months trying to remember how old I am all over again. (After writing the rest of this post and going through for a quick edit, it occurred to me that I have been pretty “meh” about my birthday for years. I don’t WANT to be “meh” about my birthday. A day-before-Valentine’s-Day birthday somehow seems to be anti-climactic, and there’s been a lot of Stuff that precludes me celebrating the way I want to. And I don’t like that. So. Next year for the BIG Three-Five, I shall throw a fabulous bash. I like celebrating, I love hosting people, and I’ve got a really really great birthday cake recipe.)(Moving on with thirty-four. Ahem.)

How will you spend your birthday?
In a really annoying twist of circumstances, I shall be going to work while Mr. Blue Eyes has the day off. I know. It’s stupid.

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Sadder; thinner; richer.

What did you do last year that you’ve never done before?
Went camping by myself. I felt kick-ass and super nervous, all at once.

What was your favorite discovery last year?
Overdrive! I’m only, like, 8 years late to the party, but I luuuurve Overdrive and use it to listen to audiobooks!

What do you hope to learn this coming year?
Better time management for my life as a whole, instead of just the few pockets that I have under control right now.

What would you like to have this year that you didn’t have last year?
Peace. This last year was full of turmoil on almost every front . And not just the regular dumpster fire that is meme’d on the Interwebs, but deeply personal and in my most vulnerable places as well.

What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Had you asked me this six months ago I would have gushed about negotiating a new job here in Arizona. However, uh, that has been one of the worst overall “improvements” of my career and my life. I shall write more about this soon; there is light at the end of the tunnel.

What was your biggest failure?
Letting the sadness win. And sometimes also letting the anger and darkness win. It was a rough year, ya’ll.

Where did you travel this year?
The first half of my 33rd year I was all over the place, which was exhausting and glorious, all at once. (A small sampling: New Mexico (twice), California, Colorado, Washington DC, Montana, Chicago, several trips back to Salt Lake, and visits to Joshua Tree and Sequoia National Parks.) For the last half I have more or less stayed home, and that is glorious and heart-wrenching in its own way.

Do you have a destination in mind for next year?
Yes! We have booked tickets and part of our accommodations for a proper vacation to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary (which was in November, and/or January, depending on who you ask).

What did you get really excited about?
Vegetables in my backyard, if we have had more than two conversations I have probably mentioned my little plants at least 7 times. Also the women who serve as Supreme Court Justices.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Finding joy in the people and activities that I know are a salve for my aching heart.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying. This is two years in a row with this answer, btw.

What was the best book you read?
Oh goodness, I love/hate this question. In the last year I’ve read almost 150 books with MANY 5-star reviews in there. In no particular order (but all non-fiction, because that’s my fave): The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, by Michelle Alexander; Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, by Dee Brown; The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, by Rebecca Skloot; The Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, by Daniel James Brown; Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsberg, by Irin Carmon and Shana Knizhnik; The Evolution of Everything: How New Ideas Emerge, by Matt Ridley.

What did you want and get?
A backyard with grass and a new patio and boxes for my little vegetables!

What did you want and not get?
Superficial Item #1: To fit back into my skinny jeans, I’m still working on it.
Superficial Item #2: A wall of bookcases to fill up.
More Honest and Infinitely Harder to Admit Item: happiness or even contentment with my life, my relationships, myself.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Several months of temperatures in the low thirties and high twenties; I am not cut out for the nine months of temps over 90 degrees. It makes my brain melt.

What kept you sane?
Long conversations with dear friends, audiobooks to keep me company, wandering around art museums and exhibits, puttering with my plants.

What political issue stirred you the most?
I really don’t know if I can answer this question because I haven’t got 3,728 hours to write in all the details. Which issue? All of them. I have ranted and raved and cheered and spent emotional energy on more political causes in the last 12 months than in the rest of my life combined.

Did you fall in love?
No.

Who did you miss?
Same answer as last year: My people in Salt Lake, my nieces and nephews, siblings, and my glorious rocky mountains.

Did you learn a valuable life lesson this year?
The grass is not always greener elsewhere. That being said, I also firmly believe that all of our choices will not  and can not result in confetti and fireworks and unicorns and solely positive outcomes; sometimes even the most carefully thought out plans–the ones with flowcharts and back-up contingencies–will fail. At that point I have to wallow for a bit, because I am human, not a freaking robot, then pick myself up and get back to work.

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Previous birthday posts here: Age 33, Age 32.

Friends! Phoenicians! Fellow Book Nerds!

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AZ Booksale 2014 1_FeistyHarriet

Friends! Phoenicians! Bookworms! Lend me your ears! Or, your eyeballs! Your scroll fingers? Or…well, this is getting kind of macabre, I don’t want a pile of body parts, just pay attention mmmkay?

This Saturday, February 11, is the annual and legendary VNSA Used Book Sale in downtown Phoenix. The basics: half a million books–HALF A MILLION!–organized by genre then alphabetical by author (mostly), lined up on HUNDREDS tables and stacked in open boxes underneath, hardbacks are usually $2-3, paperbacks $1-2, and fancy coffee table or art books are $5-10, depending on the title/size/etc. All books are half price on Sunday. They’ve got classics, a huge kid’s section, history, biography, cook books and hobby books, sciencey books, rows and rows of fiction. Books are collected via donations throughout the greater Phoenix metro area all year long, and volunteers organize and run the book sale. All proceeds go towards literacy in Arizona. Friends, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

AZ Booksale 2014 4_FeistyHarriet

So. I’m the nerd who sleeps in the parking lot on Friday night to ensure an excellent place in line, and because it’s the kind of nerdy thing that makes me happy. If you show up at 8:00 am when the doors open, you’ll probably wait 60-90 minutes in line…maybe? I honestly don’t know, the latest I’ve ever arrived was 4:30, we waited 30 minutes after the doors opened, but it wasn’t worth trying to wake up at 3:45, I’d rather stay tucked into my parking lot sleeping bag (with ear plugs and eye mask) until 7:00, thank you very much.

Anyway, I feel liked I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it, this is my Black Friday, the day I buy the most things, but they are all on a SUPER deal, and proceeds help ESL programs and 1st grade reading groups and Title 1 students get up to grade level. Yep, this is my Thing.

In their Rare Books inventory for this year they have a limited, numbered edition of My Mortal Enemy signed by the author, Willa Cather!! WILLA CATHER! A few years ago they had a first edition Huck Finn for auction. Ya’ll, if only.

I don’t shop the rare books room, I rub elbows with the other bookish plebeians amongst the stacks (and stacks and STACKS!). You are welcome to join me, this year, next year, whenever. I think this is my 9th year attending the Book Sale, it’s not going to be something I give up. Read about my other tips for Book Sale attendance here.

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I always yell at the commercials

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Let’s talk about advertising for a minute, shall we?

It seems that this time of year (cough, Super Bowl, cough) we all have MANY opinions on commercials, and it also seems that this time of year many companies bring out all their cliched trope of misogyny, and insist on using women and their bodies to sell stuff. Granted, there are usually also a handful of bright spots with some wit or a fresh angle that rise to the top, but truth of the matter is that the Super Bowl brings out the best and worst of the advertising world, and it also happens to be an event that vast numbers of people watch, even those (ahem) who don’t really care about Spots Ball (Go Team!), and even those who don’t particularly care for commercials.

So. Ads. Companies pay gajillions of dollars to tout their product during this sportsing event. And millions of people watch the game and the commercials and you can follow a running commentary on both on various channels of the Interwebs.

Here’s what: this is how advertising works. It creates a desire where one didn’t necessarily exist before, and then it somehow compels you to go out of your way to consume and satiate that desire. I worked in advertising for YEARS and I honestly have a really hard time with commercials, Super Sports or no. Mr. Blue Eyes won’t watch live TV with me because I tend to yell at the commercials and pick them apart, ranting about what the producer wants me to do or buy. I complain about the ridiculous cliches that help generate emotions and desire in a super condensed ad slot. I am ruthless in my critique, and I usually get all huffy and puffy, and Mr. Blue Eyes has to turn off the TV and bring me cold compresses for my forehead until my heart rate gets back to normal.

Irresponsible advertising–and I use that term loosely to encompass ads that exploit people in order to sell product–makes me super irritated. I don’t react well to be purposely manipulated by a phone company or a car company or a fast food company to convince me that they are the Super Best and I should go there to spend all my monies. The whole idea rankles me; the exploitation, the “clever” spin, the manipulation, the incessant repetition, the photoshopping for maximum effect, the all-too-common stereotypes, the misogyny, the unrealistic expectations…I mean, come on! (Also? Remind you of anything else that’s been going on of late?)

Throughout the sportsing Twitter and Facebook are alight with friends and strangers giving their two cents on whatever the refs are doing, and whatever the advertisers are saying/selling. You’ll see a TON of angst about certain companies, their commercials, their ad messaging, etc. You will see a number of complaints from parents about how they can’t believe how inappropriate the ads were for a family event, too dark, too scary, too sexy, too much. And I understand where they are coming from, for sure. But I am surprised at their surprise. I mean, truly, I am. This is how advertising works and it works REMARKABLY well in the United States. Think about that. Think about why. Consider how many things are “sponsored” and by whom and why. Am I promote a wholesale boycott? No. I am asking you to consider how and why XYZ company can spend millions of dollars on 30 seconds of advertising. What are they trying to get you, the consumer, to do, or to buy? Why? Then see if your values actually align what that thing, and if they do–great! And if they don’t, think carefully before whipping out your credit card.

That’s it. That’s my advertising rant. Just think about it.

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P.S. I’m not mentioning any Super Sports Game commercials or companies because a) this post was written last week and b) I didn’t actually watch the game or the commercials.

Financial Detox: January Wrap Up and Report

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I really like taking the month of January to reassess my spending patterns and remind myself of what I need vs what I want.  I think this will probably become an annual tradition, and I am a-okay with that. Ok, so what I promised to do: spend money only on bills, groceries, and gas. No browsing Amazon, Etsy, or Target; no unnecessary beauty purchases (nail polish, fun eyeliner, etc); no breakfast burritos on Fridays (sob!); bulk up my savings account.

Last January when I tried this I had just moved to Arizona, which is a terrible time to banish any house spending. I kind of failed. This time, however, I did really really well! I didn’t buy any new books, I used the library and Overdrive; I didn’t spend money to go do things, I went to the gym, rode my (darling!) bike, and worked on some projects at home that I already had all the supplies for. Except for one “forgot my lunch” situation, I didn’t eat out this month either. Prior to deciding I was going to go on a financial freeze this month I had made plans for two events that would necessitate spending a few dollars, I am thrilled to announce that I spent less than I’d set aside cash for, and the total for both things was only $30 anyway, which seems extra super reasonable anyway.

Can we talk a little bit about what I did spend money on? Besides the aforementioned activities? In the 10 days since the Cheeto in Chief took office I have donated to a number of organizations, and I have ZERO guilt about that. I’ve set up monthly donations, given one-time chunks of cash, and tried to do what I can to counteract the heinous activity coming from the White House with as many dollars and cents as I can spare. Luckily, this particular month, I had more to spare than usual. Silver linings, folks.

I think I’ll do another detox this spring to help keep me in check. The thing that surprised me the most this time around was how…not hard it was. I mean, inconvenient at times, sure. But it wasn’t nearly the struggle as it has been in previous iterations. Which is a GOOD THING! That means that my day-to-day and month-to-month spending habits and patterns are becoming more in-line with my needs instead of my wants. Hooray! Adulting!

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Resist, for your own emotional health

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Ya’ll, it’s been a rough weekend. And I say that from a super privileged place, I slept in a comfortable bed, in my own home, with plenty to eat and plenty to wear and WiFi at all times and the Cheeto in Chief was not issuing Executive Orders that directly affect me, my family, or my livelihood. I am ridiculously lucky not to have been born in Aleppo, or Libya, or, Flint, Michigan.

For most of the fall, since the election, actually, I have been living in a state of general panic and anxiety, some election related, some general life stuffs. I joined groups dedicated to building bridges, trying to work together, trying to understand…and I think that is important, and meaningful.

HOWEVER, the response in the last few days has done so much more to heal my heart. The sheer numbers of people who are determined to stop the psycho in any way they can has renewed my faith in humanity, honestly. It has renewed my faith in (some) Americans. I know there are many many people who are thrilled with the Cheeto’s election and his actions this last week, and I have so many things to say to them, the least of which is “fuck off.” But, in the interest of keeping it civil, I am choosing right now not to engage. For me, there are much better ways to spend my time and energy, and seeing the cavalry show up in similar ways is lifting my soul.

  • The ACLU has received almost $20 million in donations since the White House ban on immigration, they usually get $3-$4 per YEAR in donations.
  • Tens of thousands of people have shown up at airports and state houses around the country to protest the ban on immigration from carefully selected Muslim-majority countries (where Mr. Cheeto doesn’t have any business interests).
  • Last week hundreds of thousands of women around the country marched to be heard, to be seen, to assert that we have rights and we are a force to be reckoned with.
  • The National Parks Service has gone rogue in defiance. Ditto the State Department and almost every science-based national organization in defiance of the bullshit coming from the White House.
  • Millions of people are protesting on other forms, posting on social media, rallying, RESISTING.

THIS is the America I am proud of, the ones who get their boots on the ground and DO the thing. We jam up congressional staffers, we writer letter, sign petitions, make call after call after call…and then when none of that works? We show up with signs, we make noise, we refuse to back down. This type of action makes me happier than anything has since the election.

Keep it coming, America.

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P.S. Do you remember in The Hunger Games when Katniss ends up with Peeta and her reasoning is because Gale was too into fighting, too committed to The Cause, and she just wanted to live her quiet life with Peeta because he knew what she’d been through and would help and support her? That aggravated me to no end, although who I am to dictate her love preference. BUT! The rationale that she should reject him because he continued to fight the worst kind of dictator in all the land rang so hollow to me. (I also really hated Book 3 in general and the ending specifically, so there’s that.) Gale would be wearing a pink pussy hat and marching with the feminists. Gale would be at the airport with signs and snacks. Gale would be calling his congressional representatives every damn day and his timeline will be full of resistance and revolution against the forces that are trying to destroy his country. Gale will not go softly into the night. Be like Gale.